How to self-advocate for the first time as an adult: unlearning internal critics

By Evangelina Barineau

What if individuals with developmental disabilities grew up with parents, caregivers, or

teachers who didn’t educate them on how to self-advocate their needs? What if the people in

charge didn’t know how to self-advocate for themselves, so there were no examples of it?

These voices become the voices that live in your head. You grow up unable to self-

advocate for yourself and your developmental disability. A lack of self-advocacy isn’t neutral;

it’s harmful and manifests in many ways for individuals with developmental disabilities.

So, can self-advocacy be learned in adulthood? Can the critiquing internal voices passed

down be unlearned? Absolutely! It’s never too late for your brain to be rewired. Let’s look at the three steps to self-advocacy.

1. Knowing your needs.

How can you know your needs? Listen to yourself and ask questions about yourself from

your trusted support system. Educate yourself on your developmental disability and what the

symptoms are. A step further, discover how the symptoms manifest for you individually. What

makes you feel as though your needs are being supported? Lean that way. What makes you feel as though your needs aren’t met? Journaling is an excellent way to keep track of this.

2. Supporting your needs.

How can you support your needs? You can support your needs by listening to them. Now

that they’re known, they’re easier to understand. Listening is the first step. Fulfilling the need

and not ignoring it is the next. The more this is done, the more habitual it becomes. You start

doing this for yourself, and it also becomes easier to spot when others aren’t respecting our

needs. How will others know our needs? Let’s look at number three, communication.

3. Communication.

How can you communicate your needs? Notice when your needs aren’t met. Then,

express it. This is a fantastic way to grow the skill of self-advocacy. It’s crucial to communicate your needs before they become unmet. This minimizes the number of times your needs aren’t met. Your support system likely wants to support you and your needs.

As an adult, you can learn self-advocacy on your own. Having a strong support system is

critical. You’re not just learning and developing a new skill; you’re simultaneously unlearning

limiting belief systems that have been internalized. A small and strong support system is better than a large and weak one. A big part of self-advocacy is boundaries, learning them, and implementing them. This includes making sure your support system is filled with supportive people.

Practice makes perfect. Have your support system hold you accountable as well.

Journaling is a great way to keep track of your progress and needs; I’m saying it twice because it’s that good. Over time, it’s possible to rewire your brain to think self-advocating thoughts, engage in self-advocating behaviors, and perform self-advocating actions. The critical inner voice you once knew would be replaced.

It's never too late to get the help you need; help is always there. Support groups and

systems can do for you what your caregivers couldn’t as children and teach you how to self-

advocate. Self-advocacy is a need, not a want.