Performance and Affect of Friendship in IDD Communities
By Addison Alvarado
Friendship, by definition, is not a passive status or a one-way street; it is a foundation that requires the active, everyday performance of reciprocity, mutual affection, trust, and shared life experiences. However, systemic barriers often change how these relationships are formed and experienced by people with Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities (IDD), despite all individuals holding companionship and social relationships similarly. While authentic friendship within the IDD community is performed on an equal, horizontal footing through shared experiences and mutual care, physical community presence alone does not guarantee social inclusion; therefore, IDD communities must move past passive integration to actively build structured educational, organizational, and digital scaffolding that protects and sustains these crucial relationships.
The American Psychological Association (2022) defines friendship as “a voluntary relationship between [individuals] in which those involved tend to be concerned with meeting the others’ needs and interests as well as satisfying their own desires [learning] their association with one another is mutually gratifying.” People with and without IDD share a sense of togetherness and actively engage in reciprocal exchanges of emotional and practical support. Rather than experiencing social networks passively, individuals with IDD actively negotiate and perform within friendships that foster emotional resilience, social competence, and disability pride. These relationships predict improved quality-of-life outcomes in almost every area; however, as noted, to prevent these transformative peer connections from fracturing, the surrounding community must dismantle deep-seated barriers of vertical paternalism, staffing instability, and systemic isolation. As the community emerges as the next frontier of research and advocacy, it emphasizes the importance of fostering authentic social connections that transcend mere physical presence, paving the way for deeper engagement and understanding.
The Nature of Friendship in IDD Communities
Friendship in the everyday can manifest in a multitude of ways, but for individuals with IDD, this can look quite different from what typical friendships might look like. Studies have “identified that people with intellectual disabilities valued friendships and that these tended to be with those who provided support to them, shared similar interests, and were perceived to be trustworthy,” also noting that “people with intellectual disabilities wished for the independence to form relationships, despite being aware of the potential risks of exploitation and abuse associated with social interaction [perceiving] their support networks as being restrictive and as not empowering them to expand their social relationships” (Jackson et al., 2024).
Companionship in the IDD Community is deeply rooted in shared experience, mutual support, and a deep desire for a true sense of belonging. Individuals with IDD navigate this, utilizing the Relational Models Theory (RMT), “Developed by anthropologist Alan Fiske, RMT proposes [that relationships are composed of] communal sharing, authority ranking, equality matching, and market pricing” (Among Friends, LLC, n.d.), and the Superordinate Theme of Reciprocity, adopting a mindset and perspective of ‘scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours.’ Under this theme of reciprocity, individuals with IDD perform and engage in instances of active support, active agency, mutuality, playfulness, and self-determination, experiencing a friendship that is “mutually beneficial, with an emphasis on togetherness through the sharing of both practical and emotional support and decision-making” (Jackson et al., 2024).
Individuals with IDD build friendships through mutual problem-solving, support, and aid, noting that many friendships happen in everyday life and simply emerge from being actively present with those around you. Members of the IDD community also take on protective and supportive roles while enjoying quality time with others, sharing humor and life experiences. However, this everyday performance of friendship requires horizontal relationships rather than vertical ones – where individuals, ”identify those relationships which place them on a more equal footing with others as friendship, and exclude from this category relationships and behaviors which place them at the wrong end of unequal relationships” (Jackson et al., 2024). To understand the nuances of these friendships, it is essential to explore how broader social dynamics and individuals' experiences within the IDD community shape them.
The structure of social networks for individuals with IDD is highly variable, with some reporting incredibly restricted circles and others feeling more supported. These differences stem from varying daily support needs, work and day settings, community and organizational support, and direct support needs, all of which are ultimately limited by limited community opportunities. Examining the social networks and perspective of friendship amongst individuals with IDD and their relationships after an Inclusive Postsecondary Education Program found, “On average, the social networks of students and alumni consisted of 47.3 members” (Carter et al., n.d.). Overall, social networks ranged from 15 to 93 members, with a median of 7 family members, 20 friends, 3 acquaintances, and 5.5 paid professionals (Carter et al., n.d.). Therefore, results indicate that individuals with IDD, on average, interact more with family and paid support staff than with individuals like themselves in peer groups, experiences, age, etc. Due to the lack of opportunity to meet, build, and foster relationships across the IDD community, many individuals forge friendships with paid support staff, creating a fragile platonic relationship dynamic for members in the IDD community.
Positive Aspects of Friendship
For anyone, connection positively impacts daily and long-term life; but for individuals with Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities, friendship offers even greater benefits, and their need for connection is critical. The non-profit organization, All Friends Network, works to increase friendships for individuals with IDD and disabilities beyond the scope of IDD, noting, “The emotional, psychological, and social benefits of friendship cannot be overstated; they offer a lifeline to those battling the isolation often associated with their condition” (All Friends Network, Inc., 2025). In light of these benefits, it is important to explore how fostering and performing friendships not only enhances the lives of individuals with IDD and disabilities but also helps build a more inclusive and compassionate community.
Performing friendship develops critical, everyday social and personal competencies that dismantle acute social isolation through personal transformation. As deduced in the article Friendship, Quality of Life, and People with Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities,
“when people with IDD have friends, and are satisfied with the quality of those friendships, they are five times more likely to participate in the community. They are also approximately four times more likely to perform different social roles and have intimate relationships. People with IDD are also almost four times more likely to be respected when they have… friends. In fact, [companionship holds a] significant relationship with every single Personal Outcome Measures quality of life domain– human security, community, relationships, choices, and goals– and each of the underlying 20 indicators” (Friedman & Rizzolo, 2017).
Friendship's transformative role supports active skill-building, confidence, self-autonomy and agency, emotional well-being, and more. Having friends and experiencing kinship teaches individuals with IDD communication tools like initiating conversations, identifying shared interests, reading social cues, and resolving conflicts. Over time, navigating these platonic relationships empowers individuals with IDD to make independent choices, step outside their comfort zones, and take active roles in their community spheres.
While these benefits on their own can be life-changing, friendship among individuals with IDD also expands communities, and it is critical to also understand the positives of having friends specifically within the IDD community. Friendships and engagement with peers with disabilities, at a systemic level, are performed as a “safe space” that fosters camaraderie, self-acceptance, and a collective shield against internalized stigma and ableism. Sharing a unique mutual understanding reduces loneliness and fosters deep emotional validation that can buffer hardships individuals may face outside their community; however, “physical integration alone does not necessarily encourage social inclusion, acceptance, or the development of friendships” (Athamanah et al., 2019), and positive scaffolding must be put in place to create lasting and affect performative change.
Promoting social inclusion and integration for individuals with IDD is an increasing priority, particularly as we recognize the importance of providing supportive environments. As such, several community-building opportunities are available to individuals with IDD today that can significantly enhance their social experiences and opportunities, including educational catalysts, peer mentorship opportunities, and digital sanctuaries of advocacy.
Across the U.S., over 330 Inclusive Postsecondary Education (IPSE) programs exist, allowing students with intellectual disabilities to enroll in classes, join campus life, and build career skills; many qualify as Comprehensive Transition Programs (CTPs). IPSE programs are designed to support the participation of students with IDD in all aspects of the collegiate experience—including coursework, field experiences, part-time jobs, student organizations, campus events, and (when applicable) residential life… replete with opportunities for meeting, spending time with, and developing friendships with fellow college students” (Carter et al., n.d.). Beyond strengthening social connections, these IPSE programs offer vital experiences such as peer mentorship and internships. This further empowers students with IDD to thrive academically and professionally in inclusive settings and encourages them to participate in campus programs and activities that connect them with peers. For individuals with IDD, educational programs provide a structured social playground that supports growth in communication skills and helps build natural social support networks, with special emphasis on facilitating social connection. However, educational and peer mentorship programs are not accessible to all.
As the digital support landscape for individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities (IDD) evolves, non-profit organizations like All Friends Network are stepping in to bridge geographic isolation through dedicated digital sanctuaries. These digital sanctuaries for caregivers, families, and individuals with IDD create spaces where members of the IDD community can connect, socialize, learn, and coordinate together. For example, the nonprofit All Friends Network has the sole purpose of connecting the disability community through its own social media platform, with the notion that “members can build friendships regardless of their location, expanding their social networks and reinforcing the notion that everyone deserves companionship” (All Friends Network, Inc., 2025). Performing the essential functions of connecting, educating, and developing IDD communities also extends deep emotional relief and balanced dynamics to families and caregivers. By fostering connections and support networks, these initiatives not only promote inclusion but also empower the community to thrive despite geographic isolation, limited opportunity, and greater systemic and social barriers.
Challenges Facing Friendships in IDD
While individuals with IDD actively seek reciprocal, authentic, and meaningful connections, their ability to perform everyday friendships is frequently constrained by restricted social networks, persistent physical isolation, and communication barriers. Surrounding community environments introduce systemic obstacles, ranging from nondisabled peers’ prejudicial attitudes to high care-staff turnover and power imbalances that heighten the risks of social exploitation.
Individuals with IDD are at an increased risk of experiencing manipulation, bullying, exploitation, or rejection by peers with greater cognitive or social-emotional control. However, despite being aware of these risks, individuals with IDD are seeking change and “perceived their support networks as being restrictive and as not empowering them to expand their social relations.” Oftentimes, they “recognized they could experience abuse, bullying, and loneliness as part of friendship” (Jackson et al., 2024). Nevertheless, restricting individuals with IDD from the jeopardy of establishing new friendships prevents them from making a friend regardless of whether they face negativity, and ultimately creates unintentional social missteps later on.
Sometimes, people need a helping hand in a large-group conversation to stay afloat, or after stumbling over a word so many times that the correct pronunciation sounds inaccurate in front of a crowd; similar support should be extended to individuals with IDD. “People with intellectual disabilities have poorer communication skills, social skills, and self-direction skills compared to people without intellectual disabilities” (Jackson et al., 2024), which can sometimes lead to boundary confusion, social anxiety or awkwardness, lack of social awareness, and more. A lack of such skills impacts friendships in unforeseen ways; for example, struggling to learn the difference between polite community friendliness and true, deep reciprocal friendship – a simple interaction with a deli clerk could result in the social missteps of oversharing or prying into a stranger's life.
The various communal, systemic, and social barriers significantly hinder the development of meaningful friendships for individuals with IDD, impacting their social experiences in profound ways. The pervasive barriers of pity-based altruism, the false promise of inclusive environments, restrictive legal and systemic staff boundaries, institutional breaches of trust, and significant access challenges collectively illustrate the fragmented landscape that individuals with IDD are navigating.
True horizontal reciprocity is often disrupted by the prejudicial attitudes of nondisabled peers, highlighted by a survey: “when 1200 students without disabilities were surveyed,
the majority noted ‘altruism’ was the main reason they would befriend a person with a
severe disability” (Friedman & Rizzolo, 2017). This dynamic further reveals how physical inclusion alone does not guarantee genuine social connection. Furthermore, organizational rules actively restrict care staff from engaging in peer-like relationships, where individuals with IDD develop a “strong element of wishing to feel accepted as a person with a disability and not segregated from social relationships or friendships within the community” (Jackson et al., 2024) after noticing support workers are ‘not allowed’ to do or perform certain tasks and roles in their relationship. These institutional boundaries are sometimes compounded by ruptures of trust, such as when a staff member must log or report a private matter in their role but does so in front of others, directly undermining mutual respect.
Beyond these interpersonal dynamics, severe systemic and structural access barriers impede relationship continuity. Daily support needs directly shape social outcomes; for example, individuals who require around-the-clock care are less likely to experience active friendship than those who receive on-call support. The ongoing direct care workforce crisis creates profound instability for individuals receiving care, and persons experiencing direct support professional turnover are less likely to maintain friendships. Because direct support professionals are an essential backbone of community inclusion in disability communities, high staff turnover repeatedly severs the links individuals need to stay connected.
Moreover, it is imperative to recognize the critical need for support systems that empower individuals with IDD to foster genuine friendships. By addressing communication barriers, societal biases, and the daily challenges, we lay the foundation for building more opportunities and inclusive environments that encourage meaningful interactions across the IDD community.
Conclusion
Enhancing social connections is not just beneficial but essential to the overall well-being and development of individuals with IDD. It is crucial to cultivate community awareness and acceptance, fostering an atmosphere where individuals with IDD feel valued and understood. Educational initiatives that challenge stereotypes can play a significant role in encouraging empathy and inclusivity among peers. Collaboration with families, educators, and local organizations can further strengthen programs that focus not only on the skills needed to form friendships but also on building social networks where these relationships can thrive. Ultimately, the performance of friendship and connection not only improves the quality of life for individuals with IDD but also enriches society as a whole. The journey towards inclusivity is ongoing, but a more compassionate society that truly celebrates diversity and fosters connections among all its members can form, one friend at a time.
References
American Psychological Association. (2022). Friendship. APA.Org. https://www.apa.org/topics/friendship
Athamanah, L. S., Josol, C. K., Ayeh, D., Fischer, M. H., & Sung, C. (2019). Understanding friendships and promoting friendship development through peer mentoring for individuals with and without intellectual and developmental disabilities. International Review of Research in Developmental Disabilities, 1–48. https://doi.org/10.1016/bs.irrdd.2019.06.009
Carter, E., & Spruit, S. (n.d.). Intellectual and developmental disabilities friendships through inclusive postsecondary education programs: Perspectives of current and former students with IDD College friendships 1 friendships through inclusive postsecondary education programs: Perspectives of current and former students with IDD. Retrieved https://www.aaidd.org/docs/default-source/default-document-library/friendships-through-inclusive-postsecondary-education-programs--perspectives-of-current-and-former-students-with-idd.pdf?sfvrsn=fecf3421_0
Friedman, C., & Rizzolo, M. C. (2017). Friendship, quality of life, and people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. Journal of Developmental and Physical Disabilities, 30(1), 39–54. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10882-017-9576-7
Jackson, I., Dagnan, D., Golding, L., & Rayner‐Smith, K. (2024). How do people with intellectual disabilities understand friendship? A systematic meta‐synthesis. Journal of Applied Research in Intellectual Disabilities, 37(4). https://doi.org/10.1111/jar.13244
The power of connection: The benefits of friendship for individuals with developmental disabilities – All Friends Network, Inc. (2025, September 10). Allfriendsnetwork.Org. https://allfriendsnetwork.org/the-power-of-connection-the-benefits-of-friendship-for-individuals-with-developmental-disabilities/
